Updated: Apr 13, 2020
I read something this morning that inspired me to write this post. It was a meme that advised us to 'stay away from those who find us hard to love'. I'm not sure how I feel about this?! In one way I agree.. because it makes us feel bad or worse as a person with anxiety. The truth is, we ARE hard to love if we are not understood. We aren't classed as easy-going, simple beings or even comfortable to be around sometimes. We know that, don't we? But we don't intend to be that way. We are uptight. Because we don't know when anxiety or panic is going to strike so we constantly have our guard up. And that's not because we want to. It's because we feel like we have to. If we let it down and allow ourselves to be the person we really, truly are, anxiety will see it as an invitation to gatecrash the party! Far too many times I have been in this situ! Far too many times I have had the convo about 'giving off negative vibes'. And although it is true, it is also completely, utterly and absolutely unintentional. So, you see, yes - we may be hard to love.. but we are not UNWORTHY of love! In fact, we are more than worthy. I'd go as far as to say that special effort should be made to reassure us that we are worthy. And yes, that may seem like hard work for some, and it is THOSE people who aren't willing who we need to refrain from being around.
But what about our husbands, wives, partners, family members who find us 'hard to love'? Should we stay away? Or should we educate them? Should we not go to the family gathering? Or should we be made to feel welcome? Should we put on a smile around those who are meant to love us shit or bust? Or should we open up and talk about our feelings so that we aren't as uptight?
It is not as easy as just staying away from those who find us hard to love. Why, in a nutshell?
1. It makes us feel unworthy. It makes us feel like we aren't welcome at the neighbours BBQ! That is something we do NOT need to feel right now... or ever!
2. What if we love them? What if we made a commitment to them? Should we give up? Should anxiety cost us our relationships?
3. We do NOT want to be this way. Therefore we will NOT always be this way. We need support from those who love us and those who ultimately want to love us. Ever heard of the widely recognised saying which originated from Marilyn Monroe? 'If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best'? Don't take this the wrong way - this is not permission to use anxiety as a weapon or an excuse.
With that in mind and without contradiction, if we have tried to educate and explain ourselves without success then perhaps it is better for us to keep our distance. Maybe not forever. Maybe until we are well. But that is yours and my choice. Let's flip it! Are they worthy of our love? Were they there in our time of need? Do they only like us when we are easy to love? Refer again to the above saying!!
Be mindful of your answers to the last set of questions. You might surprise yourself and end up feeling more empowered than you thought.
This is my opinion based on past experiences. You may not agree and that is totally fine. But the message I am giving here is that we aren't unworthy of those who are trying their best to love us. And I'm sure that is something we can all agree on.
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