What did you want to be when you grew up? Who did you aspire to be? Who was your role model? Why didn't we pursue our ambitions? When did it all go wrong?
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a vet. Not too sure why - maybe just because I loved animals. A little later down the line, when I discovered I was pretty good at art, I wanted to be a graphic designer. Then I took an interest in interior design. I was always quite arty and creative which has served me well, particularly with being a mum. The competitive but playful side came out when the kids had a school project or an Easter bonnet parade! (I, (we) was (were) on a winning streak for 4 years on the bounce with the Easter bonnet comps! A proud and slightly smug mum moment there!) But I was always good at art. During my final year at school I was estimated an A Grade but produced a C. And that's because I let myself get distracted. I didn't put enough effort in. So I guess that set the tone for my indecisiveness over the years that followed. Coupled with anxiety, I felt like I didn't really stand a chance in the big wide world.
And so I left school and went to work. Still undecided, I took jobs in retail, various administration jobs, jobs in the care sector, in the insurance biz, etc. I always did my best and did well. But there was never that defining moment where I 'realised my calling'. Up until now that is. My calling is to take my experiences with anxiety and use them as examples so that you can relate, resonate and learn from. So that you know you aren't alone. So that I can help and offer advice. I have always been a caring, compassionate, empathetic person. So, for me, my life has brought me to this point for a reason, I believe.
Anxiety has played a huge role in my life. I absolutely attribute some of my decision making to anxiety. Poor, late and otherwise. But I have it to thank in a way too because if I didn't have anxiety, then I may never know or have figured out what my calling was. On the contrary, did anxiety have a part to play in me not being able to decide? I believe it did. Because one of my manifestations was being scared of making the wrong decisions. So much so, that I avoided it. So, how could my life have turned out? Could I have been the next Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen? Could I have landed a high paying career in graphic design? The answer is, absolutely. Of course I could have. I know that now. But not knowing our fate creates a manifestation of anxiety that makes us refuse to play Russian roulette. We would much rather air on the side of caution. But sometimes that isn't the best way. Sometimes it restricts us in ways that we end up regretting.
If I'd have thrown caution to the wind and lived by 'what will be, will be', perhaps my dream of working in the design field would've materialised. But who would I be? Would I be me as I am now? Would I have become a better person? Or a worse person?
I am grateful for the lessons I have learned along the way. But it has taken me a long time to finally realise who I am meant to be. My creative comes in the form of ideas now. It allows me to have vision when putting together an outfit or Feng shui and decor in my home or in my writing.
Ask yourself: What did you always aspire to be? Why haven't you chased your dreams? What has stopped you?
Anxiety is an emotion that causes reaction that causes inaction.
For me, anxiety has (sometimes) played a positive role in that I feel I (unknowingly) had to go through it to get to being me, now. But what does it mean for you? Does it stop you from making your own dreams come true? Does it have an effect on your decision making?
Just know, it is never too late to follow your dreams. You can still be what you want to be. Who you want to be. You have the power to over-rule anything anxiety and panic have to offer. So light the fire in your belly. Find your passion. Decide what you want, on your calling and go for it despite anxiety. You have every right to reignite your dreams!!
From my heart to yours